


bottle it up

by Marmeladeskies



Series: A Series of Random Mighty Nein Moments because these Kids Deserve Happiness and Attention [4]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Caleb/self hate, Campaign 2, F/M, Jealousy, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, cr campaign 2, jealous caleb, let the boy have strong emotions occasionally, this is not very happy, this is really painful but I just HAD to write it sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-28
Updated: 2019-09-28
Packaged: 2020-10-30 04:41:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20808689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marmeladeskies/pseuds/Marmeladeskies
Summary: “Isn’t it great, though, that Jester has Fjord to take care of her and protect her.” Caleb can’t keep the bitterness out of his voice; Marion’s words still stick with him like overly sweet molasses, making his teeth hurt.





	bottle it up

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, sorry, this got stuck in my brain and wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote it. This is in no way meant to hate on widojest, Fjord, Caleb or anyone, so please don't hate on me lmao 
> 
> Inspired by Liam's amazing acting in episode 33.

Marion Lavorre is a beautiful woman, one of the most beautiful women Caleb has ever seen. The way she inclines her head, the way she smiles and the softness in her voice is so different to Jester’s quick, bubbly and sweet demeanor. 

But Caleb is glad that this difference is so prominent, because Jester is perfect the way she is; her mother is desirable, but Jester… Jester is lovable. 

“Mama, this is Fjord! I met him earliest, he’s a half-orc, and he’s growing his teeth back, and he’s very very handsome!” Jester speaks quick enough that Caleb is surprised she doesn’t stutter, so obviously excited to introduce Fjord to her mother. And why wouldn’t she be? He’s charming, and charismatic, and he is indeed very handsome. 

Caleb leans back as Fjord gallantly kisses Marion’s slender hand, and he can see the excited smile on Jester’s face widen as her mother questions Fjord immediately, seemingly assuming that Fjord somehow has some kind of responsibility for Jester, and it doesn’t irk Caleb at all, not at all, after all this time they spent on the road together, all taking care of each other. 

Jester obviously wants to point out the best qualities in her friends as she introduces them: Fjord is handsome, Beau is strong… 

Caleb wants to laugh; what kind of adjective is Jester going to use for him? Weak? Pathetic? Dirty? These are the ones that pop into  _ his _ head right now. 

“This is Caleb! He’s a wizard!” 

Well. No adjectives. Just facts. 

“He used to smell bad!” Well, there they go with the dirty. 

Caleb gives Marion as good of a smile as he can muster, keeping his arms crossed. Dirty hands tucked away where she cannot see them.

“You have a beautiful singing voice, thank you very much for your performance.” He’s good with his words, at least. “You have a very charming daughter.” 

Marion gives him a gentle, weirdly knowing smile that makes Caleb want to disappear into the tapestry. “Thank you, thank you.”

Jester next to her also smiles at him. Her smile says “Aw, Caleb! You’re such a good friend.” 

Caleb wishes it would say something else. 

He manages a brief conversation with Marion, and it’s almost enough to throw him off in the same way Jester sometimes does; the looks, the tone. It brings a blush to his face, and everyone’s combined stares make him duck his head. 

He’s grateful when Jester continues her introduction with Nott. 

-

He shares his room with Nott.

This is one of the most luxurious beds he’s ever slept in, and yet, he finds himself unable to find rest. 

Frumpkin, summoned into existence earlier, is resting and purring on his chest, but Caleb wishes he had a book to take his mind off of things. Or… people.

No matter how hard he tries, his mind goes back and back again- to Jester, to her mother… to Fjord. 

His terrible brain replays different moments of their path so far:  _ first meeting Jester, her singing, her hands in his hair, braiding it, plucking a flower and placing it there, her palms on his cheeks, big eyes finding his until he can’t stand it anymore, “You have a cute dimple on your chin!”, “Do you secretly liiiiike me?”  _

Caleb forces himself to blink in the darkness, trying to get rid of the images-

_ Jester, in the bath house, the tops of her voluptuous breasts just visible, condensation on her cheeks and her lips, the soft line of her waist as she rises out of the water- _

Caleb shakes his head, no, No he doesn’t- he can’t-

_ ‘Mama, this is Fjord, he’s very handsome-’  _

_ ‘She also has a big ol’ crushy on Fjord!”  _

_ ‘Oh, Oskar!’ - ‘...it’s Fjord.’ _

His hands clench left and right to Frumpkin’s side-

_ Jester, slumped in Fjord’s arms, slowly blinking her eyes open- _

_ Fjord, coming up out of the water, rivulets of it dripping from his chiselled jaw, extending a hand, making Jester blush and giggle- _

_ Fjord and Jester in the bath house together, Jester as close to him as she can get, him being a gentleman and turning his eyes away-  _

“Caleb? Are you okay?”

Nott’s voice rips him out of his thoughts- she’s sitting up in the bed next to him, half illuminated by the soft light coming in through the window, looking down at him with concern in her eyes. “You were… breathing really hard, and staring at the ceiling, looking really tense-”

“I- it’s fine. It’s okay. I just… had a bad dream.”, Caleb quickly says. 

Nott gives him a long look, soft around the edges. 

“...alright. Do… do you need anything?”

Caleb shakes his head. There’s faint noises from the tavern downstairs, but it’s way less rowdy than what they’re used to.

“...Jester’s mom was very nice.” Nott says after a while. 

Caleb is quiet for a second, and then replies: “...she was.”

“...there’s a ‘but’ in your tone.” Nott knows him too well.

“...I don’t know. I kept wondering if… if Jester was okay. Maybe it’s my own baggage but I somehow… I don’t know. It doesn’t matter.” 

Caleb hates his brain right now- mind unable to stop spinning, unable to find rest. He raises his hands, pressing his palms against his eyes. 

“You worry about her.”, Nott states gently. She’s moved, turning to her side so she can face Caleb. He keeps staring at the ceiling.

“Don’t we all?”

“I suppose we do.”

“Isn’t it great, though, that Jester has Fjord to take care of her and protect her.” Caleb can’t keep the bitterness out of his voice; Marion’s words still stick with him like overly sweet molasses, making his teeth hurt.

He can feel the exact second Nott realizes, because her posture softens and she exhales. “...oh, Caleb.”

“It does not matter.” He presses his hands harder against his face, unsure if he wants to feel more or less- “Let’s just… go to sleep. Good night, Nott. I didn’t mean to keep you up.”

He knows she wants to say more.

But she’s his best friend, and she knows him better than anyone in their group, and so she doesn’t. 

“...good night, Caleb.” He ignores the worried look she gives him.

It takes a long time for Caleb to find sleep that night.

**Author's Note:**

> let me know what you think in the comments! :)


End file.
